Burnout is real and it can be brutal even in Christian parenting. Often, we hear of burnout coming from stressful environments or having too much on our plate. But the first time I felt burnt out was from parenting (and I only had two kids then).
Parenting is hard, there’s no way around that, but it doesn’t have to be filled with stress and burnout.
But how do we avoid burnout in parenting? And how can I talk about avoiding burnout while proclaiming that all parents ought to be discipling their children with intentionality? Wouldn’t discipleship add more to your already full plate?
It’s that word: intentionality (the state of being formed by an intention; the character of being intentional)
Christian Parenting is Intentional Parenting
Christian parenting requires that we disciple our children by showing them faith through our life or modeling it for them (more on that here). If we are just burnt out and looking for our next escape all the time that’s hardly modeling love and joy for them, is it?
We must intentionally order our lives in a way that we are not living in stress 24/7. We have to come to the point where we can dwell as a family from a place of rest and not struggle. it’s only then, it becomes easier to disciple our children through Christian parenting.
While I do believe we all need to be able to recharge our batteries so-to-speak, a self-care day or a break from everything is not what you need. It’s just like putting a band-aid on an open wound. Oh, I could tell you all the times I’ve “had a break” from my kids, cleaning, etc. only to come home feeling worse because the same problems were waiting for me the second I walked back through our door.
What we really need to do is get to the root of any stress or burnout that we’re feeling. We need to deal with the problem at its root, not just prune it back so it looks good.
We have these thorn bushes in our yard that we were not able to remove last year when we first moved. Our goal is to take them out this year as soon as we can. We pruned them back best we could last year and told the kids to stay away from them (something they were surprisingly good at). But any time I was outside barefoot I ended up with thorns in my feet (even if I wasn’t near these bushes). Pruning them did nothing to keep me from the agony of stepping on one of its thorns. Much like pruning our stress so that it looks fine won’t keep us from burnout.
How to Avoid Burnout in Parenting.:
1. Understand who God is
When it comes to discipleship, we need to disciple our children from a heart of rest, we need to order our lives around rest. When we do this, we remind ourselves that we are not God. God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. He is the only one who is all-knowing (omniscient), all-powerful (omnipotent), and able to be everywhere at once (omnipresent).
He is all knowing:
“…God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.”
– 1 John 3:20, ESV
We are not:
“do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”
– Proverbs 27:1, ESV
God is all powerful:
“For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.”
– Colossians 1:16, ESV
We are weak apart from Christ:
“ But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us”
– 2 Corinthians 4:7, ESV
“May the God of hope full you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope”
Romans 15:13, ESV (emphasis mine)
God is everywhere.
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to the heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!”
– Psalm 139:7-8, ESV
We can only be in one place at one time. Of course, you can try to be cute standing on the boarder between two states. But I doubt you could be alive and standing in both California and New York simultaneously.
Understand this alone may start combatting some of that stress in our lives. We have to understand we are not God – we can’t do it all or know it all or be everywhere at once. We have to learn how to say no.
2. In Christian parenting we need to create space and time for rest.
Learning how to say no, and live from a place of rest makes all the difference in Christian parenting (any parenting) and discipleship. For me to create time and space to parent from a place of rest and not stress, I had (and still have) to…
Get rid of stuff.
One thing that has stressed me more than anything else in motherhood is having too much stuff. Too many toys made it hard for my children to clean up, I ended up stepping on them, and they would be left out because no one knew where they needed to go. So periodically throughout the year we get rid of toys.
With 5 kids the laundry piles up easily and no one has a dresser completely to themselves. laundry all over the floor Drives. Me. NUTS! So, I paired down our wardrobes (and I’m about to do it again).
I’m definitely not a minimalist so you won’t see me writing about that any time soon. Before we moved, we lived in a small three-room apartment (3 total rooms for a family of 6). We learned how to keep things simple. I’ve found that when I’m too busy cleaning up everyone’s stuff I miss out on simply enjoying my time with my kids. When we moved people started giving us all kinds of toys for the kids that took over the house. I’m dreading the work it will take to eliminate toys yet again. but it is something that needs to happen so we can spend more enjoyable time together as a family. I need to get rid of extra stuff so I can live from rest and not stress.
Work in quiet spaces and time into my routine.
Being a mom of 5 kids, it may or may not surprise you that loud noises really stress me out. When my kids get loud (whether in fun or in temper tantrums) it’s like nails on a chalkboard. I can feel the shiver run down my spine as everything in me tenses up. I think I’ve always been like this, though it was easier to hide before I had kids. I’m the kind of person who loves to attend concerts so long as I can sit in the back row. Acoustic concerts are where it’s at. I just love to sit back, relax, and simply take in the music. This seems so odd given my loud, Irish personality that likes to just let my feelings out however they come out (more on this another time though).
Not all of my kids are in a naptime stage of life right now. But we always have a quiet moment in the day. After lunch, my youngest children go down for a nap. At this time my older kids will either have TV time, read some books, or play quietly in their rooms for a little bit. There are times I use this as an opportunity to catch up on chores while listening to a podcast or audiobook. Other times I lay down to nurse the baby and fall asleep, and still other times I dive headfirst into a great book.
Christian Parenting means my husband and I are a team. My husband takes the kids for their bedtime routine (unless the baby needs to nurse that is). This is another way we’ve orchestrated a little “quiet” into my day. We have an understanding that I usually wash the dishes while he does bedtime. It’s one more opportunity for quiet, contemplation, and being alone so we can enjoy our time together once the kids are asleep.
Help my kids see they are a part of a community
My kids are not responsible for my reaction to stress. That is not at all what I am saying. However, family is a community, and as a community, we are all responsible for caring about our things and each other.
My children help with chores because we are a community. On one hand, this means I need to teach them how to set and clear the table or clean the bathrooms. I’ve even taught a couple of them how to fold their own laundry now, but that’s not part of our chore list yet.
We rotate through chores so everyone learns how to do various things around the house. Once you’re given a chore on Monday it’s yours through Saturday (we take a day off on Sunday).
This helps me work one on one with my child, provides a discipleship opportunity, and helps us all see we are not alone in this community of family.
Enjoy a “sabbath” meal.
As a stay-at-home mom, I do the majority of the cooking in our house. Most of the time I don’t mind, I really enjoy cooking. What I’ve found helpful is taking one night a week and having what we affectionately refer to as “snacky dinner”. We usually pair this with a movie night.
We look forward to Sunday Nights after long mornings in ministry as a way to enjoy each other’s company, rest from the week, and rest from ministry, while having a fun meal together.
This may seem like such a small and insignificant piece of rest. I used to come home from church for lunch on the later side, only to have to throw myself right into preparing and cooking dinner. Now I know what we’re eating every Sunday. It’s something I don’t have to think about. I don’t have to cook it, and I know everyone will like it (because they get to pick what they want off the tray). You can find more on our family dinners and snacky meals here.
How about you? What ways have you found to work from a place of rest? To reduce stress and avoid burnout in your journey of Christian parenting?
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