All of us have experienced fear in our life; most of us have especially encountered fear in our parenting journey. There is a godly way of dealing with fear (and it’s not pretending you aren’t afraid).
In Genesis 19 we read the familiar story of the destruction of Sodom. God had told Abraham he was going to destroy the city. Abraham pleaded with God and asked him to spare the entire city if he found 10 righteous people. However, God did not find even 10 people who were righteous thereby condemning the city to its destruction. But before the city was destroyed God provided a way out for Lot and his family. God promised Lot safety in the small city of Zoar (Genesis 19:17-22) and sent them on their way saying He would do nothing until they arrived in the protected city.
Lot’s Problem With Fear
After the destruction of Sodom, Lot took his daughters and moved into the hills to live in a cave. Scripture says he was “afraid to live in Zoar” (Genesis 19:30). Fear led Lot to take his daughters out of the city where God promised him safety. Instead of a safe city, Lot chose to live in a cave. In that cave was where Lot, guided by his own fear, led his daughters to fear for their future; fear that they would never meet a man, bear children or continue their family line. In their fear, they devised a plan to bear their father’s children.
Lot’s fear leads him, not to the God who could save him, but to himself. He turned to self-made protection. Because Lot trusted himself more than God, his daughters adopted this same attitude. Instead of looking to the God who saved them and gave them a future outside of destruction, they turned to their own plan, securing a future for themselves through deceit, lies, and impurity. This created the nations of the Moabites and Ammonites who would become enemies of the nation of Israel.
Fear Creates More Fear
We cannot escape feeling afraid or situations that can cause us to fear. And we are not guaranteed to live without any feeling of fear but when we do feel afraid, where our fear leads us matters. Lot’s fears lead not only to his sin but also lead his children into sin. Lot’s own fear produced fear in his children’s
lives. There is a very real parallel to our own lives in this story. If we choose to live by fear and be our own protectors, we will inevitably lead our children to sin; though probably not in the same way as Lot’s children sinned. When we live in fear, our children learn to live by fear as well. When we choose to
be our own protector, provider, and savior, our children will look to themselves instead of God and will miss His protection, His provision, and His salvation in pursuit of their own. But when we surrender our fear to an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present, and loving God we find hope and peace even in the hardest seasons of our lives.
Where Does Fear Lead You?
Fear can either lead us to God or lead us to our own self-made protection. When dealing with fear, if we allow it to lead us to ourselves – we make our own plans, build walls between us and where God wants us to be, and block our families into a cycle of fear.
As parents, we are conditioned to fear. From the moment that test turns positive the fears start to surround us. Some of these fears are our own worries and ‘what-ifs,’ some come from questions like, ‘can I do this?’ But many fears are pushed on us through marketing, parenting articles, and well-meaning loved ones.
The fear of never sleeping again:
“You won’t get any sleep unless you buy our basinet.”
The fear of injury:
“Your baby won’t really be safe unless you buy our car seat.”
The fear of illness or pain:
“This happened to one mother and now they are sounding the alarm.”
The fear of discomfort, losing control, hardships, the unknown, or risks:
“When I was pregnant…” (insert any adverse reaction, painful story, etc.)
Fear over our ability:
“When I had kids…” (…they didn’t sleep; I had picky eaters; they were sick all the time; I hated parenting; insert any other fear-inducing story about the perils of parenthood here).
Every time we feel afraid or fear is prescribed to us, as parents… no as Christians we have a choice to make. Are we going to let that fear control us or are we going to deal with fear? While we can’t guarantee we will never face fear, we can guarantee the God of all creation is there with us when we feel fear and we can turn to him and rest on his power to be bold in the face of fear. We can be confident that He has given us a spirit of power over fear. His spirit indwells in us and gives us authority over what we feel regardless of our situation or outside influence.
What Does The Bible Say?
It’s interesting to read through all the times God says not to fear in the Bible. They have this in common: they don’t just tell us not to fear, they give us a reason not to fear. take a look at the following verses:
“Fear not, for I am with you…”
Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you…”
Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)
“…Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.”
Psalm 23:4 (ESV)
The common thread between all these verses (and more that time and space would not allow me to use) is that God is with us. When dealing with fear, we must remember that the God of the universe – the one who created us and everything we see in life from nothing – is with us. The God who conquered the grave through His Son is with us. The one who is victorious at the end of time is with us today.
Dealing With Fear
Scripture tells us, “Do not fear,” but this is not the absence of feeling afraid, this is choosing what you
focus on despite your feelings. God doesn’t tell us not to feel afraid, God tells us not to be afraid. Feelings are not our guide. We can feel afraid without living in fear or making choices out of fear. I’m not
saying this is easy, but we can’t do it without turning to the God who saves, protects, provides, and created us. Fear is a liar, and we must confront the lies with the truth of God’s word. We are not slaves to fear. We are free from fear and need to learn to live in that freedom instead of our fears.
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Romans 8:15 (ESV)
Dealing With Fear Like My Kids
Every so often one of my kids will wake up in the middle of the night after having a bad dream and they are afraid. My kids don’t sit in their beds repeating their fears over and over. children don’t want to feel afraid. Our kids know they can come to find us and tell us they are afraid – they
run to us crying, “Mom! Dad! I’m scared!” When our children come to us, we comfort them, pray for them, encourage them, and help them before sending them or taking them back to bed.
I could learn something from my kids when I’m the one dealing with fear. They know that they can’t fight fear alone, this is something I could stand to be reminded of more often. Romans 8:15 tells us that we are not slaves to fear, but we are a child of God. We can call out to him as our father, yet there I’ve sat in the middle of the night giving myself over to fear instead of running to the father who can comfort me and bring me peace.
Fear Vs. Comfort
We are never comforted by our fears, we just spiral deeper and deeper into despair as we allow our fears to remain our focus. Yet, how rarely do we turn to the Father who longs to comfort us and put out minds at ease, he wants to wipe away our hopelessness, remove our doubt, and hold us amid our circumstances or feelings. God isn’t going to push his way in – we must run to Him, we have to look to Him, we have to put him into our mind’s focus.
If we’re dealing with fear in a healthy, godly way our children can learn how to look to God even in the midst of fear. If we don’t refocus our minds on Christ and keep our focus on our fears, trying to be our own refuge, it will have grave repercussions on the lives of our children. We must learn to handle our fear by bringing it to the cross if we want our children to be fearless in the pursuit of what God calls them to.
Questions to Help You Deal With Fear
The next time you’re dealing with fear go through these questions to help refocus your mind on Christ who is with you always:
- What is your fear?
- How does this fear show you what you believe about God?
- What does the Bible say? Remind yourself of what God says in His word.
- What is one thing God has blessed you with?
- What is one way you’ve seen God move and remain faithful in your life?
- Thank God for who he is, and what you know to be true. Remind yourself of the truth that outweighs the lies). Ask God to be faithful to his word in regard to what you’re feeling. Pray that He will be with you and show you His faithfulness. Ask him to help you stand on the truth.
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I grew up in a dysfunctional home and couldn’t run to my parents when fear gripped me. But my children always turned to my husband or me during those times. What a great illustration of how we’re meant to manage fear.
Blessings,
Tammy