My Problem With Prayer

I’ve been a Christian most of my life and yet I have this problem with prayer. I think if you read on you may find that you can relate.

What is my problem with prayer? I tend to treat prayer as a way of getting what I want rather than a place of surrender to commune with an almighty God. Too often, I fail to recognize who I am praying to because I have a plan, I know what I need, and I can visualize what I want.

How my 3-year-old showed me this problem.

This reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago, with my then 3-year-old daughter. The conversation went something like this:

3yo: “Mom, can I have an Apple?”

Me: “No, I’m cooking dinner, it will be ready soon.”

3yo: “But I’m hungry, I want an apple.”

Me: “Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes; you can have an apple tomorrow.”

At this point, I could tell my daughter was trying to think of any way to get herself the apple she so desperately wanted.

3yo: “My brother wants an apple.”

Me: “No, he’s fine.”

The truth is her one-year-old brother was happily playing in the other room. He didn’t have the slightest clue what was going on in the kitchen.

“But mom!” she replied.

“No,” I responded

A short while later she came back with a little stool. I asked what she was doing and reminded her of my answer, followed by, “do not take the apple.”

She proceeded to reach into the fruit bowl and pull one out anyways. This prompted me to go over and take it away from her. She held the apple out behind her so I couldn’t reach it and said firmly, “but mom! my brother is hungry…”

I took the apple away just as my husband walked in. He had heard the whole thing on the other side of the door as he took his shoes off. When my 3-year-old saw him, she ran over to him crying (probably hoping he would give her what she wanted).  

As a parent, my days are filled with situations just like this. I tell my child no, and sometimes they think they can go behind my back and ignore my answer. They are always surprised when I catch them in disobedience. I’m not sure what they detest more: the consequences, the firm reminder of my answer, or getting caught.

Kids don’t like to hear the word, “no.” especially when they are toddlers simply learning the way the world works. Then again, I’m in my 30’s and still don’t like hearing that pesky two-letter word.

But what do you do when God says no?

What do you do when you pray and ask God for something, and He says no? When God’s answer isn’t what you think it should be? What if the healing never comes? What if God doesn’t provide when you think He should or how you think He should? When God asks you to trust him, do you? Or do you try to get what you want without Him, thinking you know better than He does?

This moment with my 3-year-old highlighted so clearly my problem with prayer.

Oh, the number of times I have gone to God and asked for something only to be told “no” or “not yet.”

I, being stubborn, impatient, and independent as I am, ignore those answers. I go back to God with something like, “but I can help others if you do this for me.”

God sees right through my false compassionate façade right to the selfish desire to get what I want when I want. Time and time again He patiently reminds me of His answer.

But again, that’s not good enough for me, so I decide I’m going to go get what I want by myself without His help. Usually, this ends in tears, heartbreak, or pain because I didn’t listen to what my Father told me. Or even worse, I may take what I want or think I should have. But then, when God places what He has planned for me on my plate, I don’t have room for it. Because I had already taken what I thought I should have I missed out on the fulness of what God was giving me.

What is my problem with prayer?

My problem with prayer is pride. All too often I think I know what is best. When God tells me, no, I say, “you didn’t really mean that.”

I can look back through humanity’s history and see this again and again. God says no, and then as people, we create a way around His answer to try to get what we want or think we should have.  This is the lie Satan has been using to tempt us from the very beginning of time.  

God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. But they didn’t listen (Genesis 3). They believed the lie that they knew better than God. They believed good could come from disobedience.

When God promised Abraham a son, even in his old age, Sarah laughed thinking it impossible (Genesis 18). She had even tried to provide Abraham his promise another way – through her servant Hagar (Genesis 16).

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, they got tired and complained. Moses went to meet with God and while he was away they built a false god to worship (Exodus 32). They doubted that God, though He delivered them from Egypt, would continue to take care of them.

Even in the New Testament, a man named Simon (a magician) offered Peter and John money in exchange for spiritual gifts (Acts 8). He came, not seeking God, but seeking only gifts or power from Him.

Countless times they thought they knew what was best and ignored what God told them. This always ended in failure, brokenness, and pain. When all along if they had just listened to God and obeyed what he had spoken to them, they would have been better off.

The Solution.

How often have you written off an answer that God gave simply because you didn’t like what He said? Compare that to how often you surrender to God and see Him work through you. You will never get this perfect, but hopefully, at each turn, you’ll see yourself surrender and obey God more and more often.

Some would use this as an excuse not to pray. “If I’m surrendering to God, why ask for anything? Why not just wait for him to tell me what he wants so I’m not tempted to disobey.”

Others would say, by yielding to God, you end up praying weak prayers: “if you want to, would you mind… maybe… possibly… moving on my behalf?”

But seeking surrender and obedience to Christ does not (or should not) make you wishy-washy in prayer. It doesn’t mean you aren’t praying powerful prayers. Or even that you don’t have enough faith. This problem with prayer is simply highlighting the fact that our own selfishness as human beings gets in the way of what God wants to do in us and through us.

If we want to see God work through us we have to allow HIM to do the work. We have to yield ourselves to HIS will, His timing, and His plan – even when we don’t agree. If we want to see God move in our lives and in our families, we have to start in a place of surrender. It starts with knowing that we are not God.  

We Are Not God

We don’t know what’s coming down the road. And even if he’s told us or made promises to us, we may not know how they will actually take place. Look at Abraham and Sarah – to them, God’s promises even seemed impossible!

Living a life of surrender takes practice. Trust takes time and practice. Discerning God’s voice takes practice.

Are you sensing a theme?

I guarantee you won’t be good at this overnight. There are countless Christians I know who have lived their whole life walking in obedience to Christ and would tell you they are still learning.

We’re still battling our human nature. But we have the power of God to help us.

We will still face the lie as old as time itself (“God didn’t really mean that”) but hopefully the next time satan whispers it in your ear, you’ll be able to recognize it and choose to surrender to God instead. Because with each opportunity to trust you are learning that God is, in fact, trustworthy. As we surrender to Him and His way we will discern His voice, and trust Him more each and every day.

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